Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
