he wants to bone in the snuggie
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
