dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
