Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
