My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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