I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
