She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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