i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
