I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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