It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
