Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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