It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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