Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
