I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am puke
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
