so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
