I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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