my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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