What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
