You can't special order awesome
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
