I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
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