I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize