Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
