I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
