And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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