I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
