She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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