I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
