If i come over, it means nothing
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
