Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
