we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
