...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
