I could have mohawked her pubes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
