Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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