please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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