i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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