Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
