You can't motorboat a personality
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
