i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize