I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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