never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
