He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
