How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
