if only i could text you this smell
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
