stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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