So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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