we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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