drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
