just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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