He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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