You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
