What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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