I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize