he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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