You don't have asthma, your pregnant
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
