oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
