"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize