That's when you crack a 10am beer
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
