dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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