I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
