then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
