Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
