I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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