She's JV to your varsity
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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