i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
