apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
