There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Soap is not a condiment
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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