she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
