we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
