I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
