Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Of course I have a pirate flag
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
