But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
