Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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