I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
