I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
