Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Bring me that man meat
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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