the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All I want is dick and wine.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
