dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
