My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
