tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
