escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
