He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize